My motivation

My father never articulated how he felt about the possibility that he could have a child that he did not know.

Now that he has passed, I think about how angry he was that I was looking for them. He kept asking why I wanted to find them.

I never articulated, fully, my reason. My dad was the reason. He was an incredible man. I want anyone who came from him to know that.

I stopped the search out of respect for my dad.  I never meant to bring any pain to his life so I let it go.

I know that deep down he wanted me to find out for sure. He gave me so much detailed information about them and their mother, he had to know I'd use ut.

I'm going to research birth records in the next state that they could've been born in.

Mixed Signals

Recently my Dad seemed bothered that I was looking for the kids. What's a trip is that he doesn't remember seeing the picture even though I emailed it. The even bigger trip is that he keeps giving me clues and guidance. I think he'll be relieved if I find them. But his anxiety is coming off, partly,as anger towards me. Not generally, just regarding this.

You've got mail!

Out of no where I get mail from the state where I sent off for birth certificates.  In a previous post I mentioned that one had came back needing more information (and it is still in my desk).

Well, the other came back this week with results.  But nothing useful.

It basically said that a search was conducted +/- 5 years from the date indicated and they did not find anything.

I think I am over thinking this military thing.  Even if the child was BORN on the base, the home address is where I should have requested. I made a request using the location of the military base.  That may have been my error.

I know that my father and their mother had an apartment in a nearby city when the second child was just a few months old.  I am going to send a request for that city.

Wish me luck, I'm remailing tomorrow!

Back on the grind after some inspiration!

Delays

Well, I got them into the mail and one never came back and one was returned (11/08) with the money order as not filled out properly/wrong city or county or something.

My father was in the military when they were born and away for both births.

At this point he is fuzzy about the actual location of thier births. I originally submitted requests using the address of the local base but now I've got to widen my net.

I haven't resubmitted them. The money order and forms are in my desk.

Time to get it going again!

The truth about a long long journey...

...is that it is tempting to stop along the way. I just put the money orders and the requests back in the mail yesterday. So we are now officially, four weeks or less from our next step.

I would think about sending the request from time to time but I wouldn't get up and do it. Yesterday, time and opportunity showed up at the same moment and I did it.

I don't think I'm procrastinating. I'm just not feeling any urgency. I'm almost 40 and have lived that long without knowing. I think if it was a long lost relative or friend that I had a previous relationship with, I'd try harder.

A minor delay

My well meaning husband mailed my birth certificate requests not knowing that I had not put the money orders in them. I just got the letter back requesting I resubmit with the money. I'll do that this weekend.

I began searching the SS Death Indexes. There is a name that matches the girl, but the birthdate is 2 days off. I'll just wait until I get the BC's. Hopefully there were both born in the city I'm requesting them from. If not, I only have one other clue to where the boy may have been born.

I am remaining vague enough on this site so that an imposter can't read this and show up claiming to be them. Key details are being omitted so don't even try it, LOL!

The process

I've started a journal to record all of the "clues" or information that I have. I have enough information to request birth certificates. The only question is if both of them were born in the same location. One, my father is certain of so I'll send a request to that city for both.

I want to see if my father is listed as father on their birth certificates. Mainly, I want to know if they knew about him. You watch these "shock" talk shows and see people who live their entire life thinking one man was their father and it was someone else. I just want to know how much they know.

The good thing is that as a sibling, I can request the materials. I do not want to involve my father yet. In the past few months, I am realizing how "fragile" he is. I think as daughters we see our dads as these infallible towers of strength and when you see them at all vulnerable the woman in you wants to protect them from any harm. So I am willing to take these first slow steps alone and share my anxieties and impatience here :o)

So, I have the applications and will fill them out today. Make a photo copy of my ID and tomorrow I will get money orders and mail them off and wait up to four weeks.

I'll be working in the meantime to gather more information. Time is never on our side in these matters. My father and his siblings searched for his brother who they had not seen in 30 years. Last year my dad found him, sort of. He died just the year before. If they had pushed a little harder they may have found him and got to see him one last time.

So for that reason, I will remain steadfast.