The process

I've started a journal to record all of the "clues" or information that I have. I have enough information to request birth certificates. The only question is if both of them were born in the same location. One, my father is certain of so I'll send a request to that city for both.

I want to see if my father is listed as father on their birth certificates. Mainly, I want to know if they knew about him. You watch these "shock" talk shows and see people who live their entire life thinking one man was their father and it was someone else. I just want to know how much they know.

The good thing is that as a sibling, I can request the materials. I do not want to involve my father yet. In the past few months, I am realizing how "fragile" he is. I think as daughters we see our dads as these infallible towers of strength and when you see them at all vulnerable the woman in you wants to protect them from any harm. So I am willing to take these first slow steps alone and share my anxieties and impatience here :o)

So, I have the applications and will fill them out today. Make a photo copy of my ID and tomorrow I will get money orders and mail them off and wait up to four weeks.

I'll be working in the meantime to gather more information. Time is never on our side in these matters. My father and his siblings searched for his brother who they had not seen in 30 years. Last year my dad found him, sort of. He died just the year before. If they had pushed a little harder they may have found him and got to see him one last time.

So for that reason, I will remain steadfast.